Thursday, November 1, 2012

Day 28-Walking after the Spirit-Trust

Reading a chapter in 1000 Gifts on trust.
Yup trust is a problem for me. It seems no matter how many times God has proven his love and care toward me I still get caught up in worry.
I keep having to pray " I believe, help me in my unbelief". I apparently need a lot of help in this area. I do know I have come a long way though. I can see the hand of God in my life looking back. I can see although the trials overwhelm at times God works it for the good. But in the midst I still have my moment of  "Jesus How can you sleep while the storm is raging?" thoughts.

Its a working out your salvation daily issue for me. Each day I have to choose to place my life in God's hands even when I don't know what will come my way.

Years ago as a teen at the worst of my depression, sometime after the second time of almost taking my life, I had a dream.
God showed me my whole life. I felt all the emotions of what I would go through.
Then God asked me a question. Would I accept this life and live it?
I was overwhelmed with emotion of what I had seen and experienced, but I didn't really hesitate. I said yes.
I said yes because through all I had seen, even in the worst of it, I understood that it would all be worth it.
I don't remember what He showed me but sometimes I get deja vu and think, yup, God showed me this.

Still even with this dream I worry, but I remember what he did for me and that I said yes. This was a gift of life. He didn't have to show me all of that, but He knows me all too well and how much help I would need to get through.

"Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus, Oh, for grace to trust Him More" is my constant plea.

His hand is there through it all and underneath are the everlasting arms that I find time and again to lean on.

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