Highly Sensitive/ Introvert

Wow it's been a while since I last posted.

I have been reading two books that were on my Chirstmas list.
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
Here is her website for more info The Power of Introverts

Also Intorverts in the Church: Finding our Place in an Extroverted Culture by Adam S. McHugh
His website Intorverted Church

I have found both books to be very interesting. There were certain things I didn't realize about my own intorverted tendancies.

I had, years back learned about The Highly Sensitive Person from Elaine Aaron's book and website.
which explained a lot about my own personality and sensitivities.

What I am learning is that I need time to myself a lot more than I realized. I get run down all to easily which in combination with physical fatigue, I also get emotional fatigue. Now I understand that I need to give myself some time to recouperate when out in the world. I go through these phases of energy and then times where I just can't seem to get myself going. I really crash hard when there is extra stress in my life too. I've wished at times, this wasn't the case. I have often thought myself weak and wondered what was wrong with me.

In ministry I find this to be a huge challenge. I have had people make comments that made me feel less because I wasn't doing as much as other people. Churches tend to be geared more toward extroverts. You have to be outgoing, and a person of constant action or you are not doing your part.
God has helped me get to a better place where I feel comfortable doing convalescent home services as a ministry but I still am learning and have had a slow learning progression over time. I had to get over a lot of fears and hang ups to get where I am at this point. I am doing as much as I can handle and God knows that. When He wants me to do more, is the right time for me to do it, not when others think I should.

I am grateful for these resources to help me understand myself better and understand who God made me to be. I am sensitive, thoughtful, creative, and empathetic toward others. These are good qualities to have, but I need my down time or I burn out. It's ok to say no to extra things and to take a rest. I don't have to be up and running all the time. If I do I am no good to anyone after a while. I need to recharge my batteries often and that is ok. I need my space sometimes and that is ok.

I do, however, need to learn balance. It's easy to get caught up in a downward spiral of exhaustion and retreat to the point where I get lost in it and become lethargic and depressed. I need to learn to schedule mini breaks at work to chill for a few minutes. I am not sure this will go over well with my co-workers but I need it. No wonder I get so grumpy and can't deal with things well at a certain point. I also need to learn to not issolate myself completely when I am going through something or on a rest/retreat cycle. That is where the depression comes in.

I am praying for people to be patient with me and understanding. I am praying I can find balance and be able to recognize better what times to act and what times to rest. I also pray that I will be able to recognize my limits and not be so hard on myself when I can't do what others find easy.

amazing video

Promise

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you” (psalm 32:8). He continues to grant me understanding and wisdom when I ask.

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry . I have cried out to Him and he has answered me. During marriage problems. When I needed Him to move on a situation with my grandmother. When I needed Him to move on a situation at work.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phil 4:7 When Dad was dying you gave me such amazing peace

In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose, which is to be conformed to the likeness of his Son (8:28-29). This seems to be my life's verse. He keeps turning things around for good

count the promises kept

I am not only journaling and counting my blessings but I am counting His promises kept.
God has brought me through valleys and trials through to victory.
I can only say Wow, Lord! I am in awe of who you are!
Sometimes I would get discouraged as the valley experience seemed to go on so long. But God delivered me.

Hang on to Jesus with everything you have. He will not dissapoint you. He will bring you through.

Psalm 121- the answer to yesterdays question-God the promise keeper

[[A Song of degrees.]] I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help [cometh] from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD [is] thy keeper: the LORD [is] thy shade upon thy right hand.
The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

God had made me a promise a few years ago from this psalm. I knew one aspect of it at the time but I realize it goes for any part of my life.
He promised that He would keep me. He would preserve me from evil and preserve my soul. He would preserve my going out into and coming in from the world.
Some of the things that happened at work made me have to realize I can trust God, but not neccesarily people, especially if they are not saved. Sounds sad but the reality is they are getting tossed to and fro and are not people to let yourself become attached or anchored to. To have had co-workers and a manager against me, made me come to a place where I did not rely on them. I would not put my spiritual life in their hands. I would not hang out with them or try to form friendships with them as a result.
God preserved me from having their influence in my life. I was kept sepparate. I know I tend to be a people pleaser and maybe little by little these people would have worn me down to give in here or there. I see how that could have happend. I was in a more vulnerable place a couple of years ago.

God is a promise keeper!

Thank You Lord

I havent blogged in a whole week.
Started a prayer and thanksgiving journal. I am up to 37 in the thanksgiving. I don't know if I will get up to 1000 like the book it is inspired from. 1000 Gifts.
This week was a week of trials it seems. Have a new manager at work. She seems like a good person. I feel like I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop though, after two years of having a manager who dragged everybody's name through the mud at one time or another including mine. I didn't realize how much tension this carried through the two years. I feel like I need to relearn how not to be paranoid about what is being said and done behind my back.

I know God sends trials to teach us. I am still trying to figure all that out though. What did I learn from this? It certainly humbled me and made me have to totally rely on God to redeem the situation and turn things around.  I realized today I am still hurting from a lot of it. I was the one the managers loved because they knew I was honest and responsible. Maybe this went to my head some. Maybe that was the whole point. God had to take me down off my high horse a bit.

This world is full of sinful people who chose to do terrible things. I know that, so why would I be surprised when it hit me at work? I am still trying to figure it all out God. Forgive me if I can be a bit dense for not getting why this all happened.

I shared in suffering. We all will share in it and in different ways. The main thing was trusting God completely to take care of things. He did it. Not in the timing I would have prefered but He did it.

Thank you Lord for your discipline and teachings in my life. Sometimes they hurt but I know you take what is meant for evil and turn them for good. Help me to see the good and let go of the hurts so I can grow from this experience.

Day 29-30- Walking after the Spirit-We're still in the classrooom

This week was about working out your salvation. I realize God had some things he showed me this week that I need to work on. Trust, thankfulness, understanding His power in my life...
I cannot live out my faith in a tangible way without those things. This is not the end of my journey it is just the beginning. I need to challenge myself on a regular basis to dig in deeper with God. To really rely on Him and listen to what lessons He has to teach me.
I had a dream recently that I was in a room with a dome ceiling. There was purple colored fluid showering down from the ceiling. I asked God what it was and why it was purple. Jesus answered me and said it was His blood and the color purple stood for His royalty. I said ok and stepped into the blood flow. In the next room was a classroom. I could not enter without going through the blood first. Then I saw Jesus asscending up through the dome roof and He said "I am with you always even unto the end of the world."
I am in the classroom always, through the blood of Jesus. He is my access and I will learn from Him how to live the abundant life He has planned for me. I must persevere. Without Him I can do nothing.

Rom 5:1-5 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
And not only [so], but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

Our life teaches us to keep our hope in God. Trust Him and His love. He will always be with us through to the end.
I wont be posting tomorrow. So I am leaving it at this.
I will continue to journey forward. I pray you will keep hope, persevere, and continue on your journey.

"I can't go back.
I wont go back.
to the way things used to be,
before your mercy came and saved me."