Wow it's been a while since I last posted.
I have been reading two books that were on my Chirstmas list.
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
Here is her website for more info The Power of Introverts
Also Intorverts in the Church: Finding our Place in an Extroverted Culture by Adam S. McHugh
His website Intorverted Church
I have found both books to be very interesting. There were certain things I didn't realize about my own intorverted tendancies.
I had, years back learned about The Highly Sensitive Person from Elaine Aaron's book and website.
which explained a lot about my own personality and sensitivities.
What I am learning is that I need time to myself a lot more than I realized. I get run down all to easily which in combination with physical fatigue, I also get emotional fatigue. Now I understand that I need to give myself some time to recouperate when out in the world. I go through these phases of energy and then times where I just can't seem to get myself going. I really crash hard when there is extra stress in my life too. I've wished at times, this wasn't the case. I have often thought myself weak and wondered what was wrong with me.
In ministry I find this to be a huge challenge. I have had people make comments that made me feel less because I wasn't doing as much as other people. Churches tend to be geared more toward extroverts. You have to be outgoing, and a person of constant action or you are not doing your part.
God has helped me get to a better place where I feel comfortable doing convalescent home services as a ministry but I still am learning and have had a slow learning progression over time. I had to get over a lot of fears and hang ups to get where I am at this point. I am doing as much as I can handle and God knows that. When He wants me to do more, is the right time for me to do it, not when others think I should.
I am grateful for these resources to help me understand myself better and understand who God made me to be. I am sensitive, thoughtful, creative, and empathetic toward others. These are good qualities to have, but I need my down time or I burn out. It's ok to say no to extra things and to take a rest. I don't have to be up and running all the time. If I do I am no good to anyone after a while. I need to recharge my batteries often and that is ok. I need my space sometimes and that is ok.
I do, however, need to learn balance. It's easy to get caught up in a downward spiral of exhaustion and retreat to the point where I get lost in it and become lethargic and depressed. I need to learn to schedule mini breaks at work to chill for a few minutes. I am not sure this will go over well with my co-workers but I need it. No wonder I get so grumpy and can't deal with things well at a certain point. I also need to learn to not issolate myself completely when I am going through something or on a rest/retreat cycle. That is where the depression comes in.
I am praying for people to be patient with me and understanding. I am praying I can find balance and be able to recognize better what times to act and what times to rest. I also pray that I will be able to recognize my limits and not be so hard on myself when I can't do what others find easy.