I recently was overwhelmed by a sense that I will never heal, never
get to where I feel whole. I felt completely alone and thoughts of " you
will never change" came in waves. I was getting discouraged and felt
like a failure.
I am on a journey. Reading through the book Mended by Angie Smith. I had joined an (in)courage group and we are working through the book.
Last
night I was thinking on my discouragement and realized that everyone
has experienced brokenness in some form or another and at some time or
another. Not that I didn't know this before, however I tend to focus on
others strengths but focus on my weaknesses. I play the dangerous game
of comparison.
What struck me was the thought that we
are all broken but some of us have Jesus to go to to be healed. We may
never be the same with the hurts and brokenness in our lives, but with
God's help we are mended. And though there may be those broken places
that still show in the mending, It is a testimony to say "this is what
God brought me through". I am still here. I am still standing. I stand
in His grace because without Him I cannot stand at all.
Sometimes I lose site of where I used to be and only see where I think I
should be. That is when I need to be reminded of the past and see where
I came from so I don't go back.
I would not want to
give up. I wouldn't make it if I did. I know where I was before God
stepped in and lifted me out of the mess I was in. I would never want to
return to that state. I am truly far better off living in the mending
process with Jesus then remaining broken with no hope.
Mending
is a life long process and it may get frustrating at times. I may fail
to see how much I have been changed by God (Not that I changed in and of
myself ). I thank God for the reminders.
See what God has brought me through. I may still hurt but God is shining through the cracks of this broken life.
